I Came Here to Heal

Happy Friday, Y’all! A special shout out to my friends in Ft. Lauderdale – Joel, Johnny Ace, Candy, CeCe, Seth, and the “Crew from Capone’s Night Club” and downtown FTL – in hopes that y’all literally “weathered the storm”! TGIF with me!  Done Deal!

Most of our lives were molded by our genetic makeup AND our particular environments and experiences.  Some of us had no choice in where we “landed”.  Others had plans in place already as well as the means to accomplish the goal of preparing their offspring to be ready to “run things”, you dig?!?  What about you?  Where were you supposed to wind up in “The American Experiment “?  You DO know that the country was an experiment at its inception with the Declaration of Independence, The Bill of Rights, and later the Constitution.  Yes, all an experiment.  But who was this country built for?  Who was conducting “the experiment”?  Who was the land pilfered from through trickery, greed, and superior weaponry?  If you haven’t answered these questions for yourself, you just might be living a lie.  Yet, I do know folks who are content with living and spreading lies.  Well, I’ll be damned!!  Imagine what life must have been like for farm hands in the Dirty South like my Dad, an African American male born into a status that was “one step above” slavery, newly manumitted, if you will?!?  Yeah, I had it a bit easier because of a soldier like him and his Dad, Robert Cook.  My Mother, Marietta Dolores, was his guiding light.

When I started to travel in my early retirement, I didn’t want to live the capitalist lifestyle of “making more money until you die”!  That’s what life looked like for me in my retirement if I had stayed in the States as I would NEED to work for someone else at one full-time job …  Or, if I didn’t want to work in my retirement like many other people living the “American Dream”, I could be homeless since my pension which I earned from endless days and nights and hours upon hours of work still wouldn’t cover the “American Bills”!!  LoL!!  That’s not really funny. While I wasn’t sure of my health as I traveled abroad after a biopsy revealed that I had cancerous granules in my prostate, I promised myself, since the granules were benign and not malignant that I would try to “heal myself”.  Physically, I had osteoarthritis and this prostate condition to deal with.  Spiritually and emotionally, I needed to heal from events in my life that had hurt me and restricted me from finding and enjoying happiness and peace in my life.  After traveling through Western Europe and then coming to Costa Rica, I continued writing, meditating, and praying.

Around 40 years ago after having a “honeymoon” baby with my ex-wife, my life was changed by a mother-in-law who had no respect for her “man” and told me that she would “take that (my daughter!) child away from me!”  I had never heard of such barbarism!  Yet, between her, my ex-wife who wasn’t sure of herself raising a child while trying to hurt me, and an extremely toxic environment in their homes, I had a constant struggle.  There were arguments and near physical fights over where our daughter would visit each weekend.  These women wanted to ruin my life, my family, and my happiness.  The envy and jealousy were clearly evident.  You bet it hurt while I continued to teach and coach at White Plains High School.  After her mother went to live with her grandmother, I tried to continue to stay in touch with my daughter.  These people made that really hard, too.  One afternoon, they “kidnapped” her in a car that I had to jump on top of as it sped away with my daughter inside.  The driver tried to shake me off of the top of the car in the parking lot of the City Park projects in New Rochelle, NY where her mother and stepfather lived.  It was non-stop drama EVERY weekend as these people would bully me for control of our daughter!!  Soon, things got worse and that family prevented me from seeing my daughter until we made an arrangement for visitation and child support.  That didn’t work either as I was still functioning, working, and living …  Once, my ex-wife’s lover surprise attacked me at her grandmother’s home in Norwalk, CT by running out of a bedroom when I had dropped off my daughter after she had spent a weekend with me in New York!  I was like “WTF”?!?  “I’m still here, Bitches!” THEY were still unhappy until my ex-wife ran away from New York to Virginia … with our daughter .. in an effort to keep her away from me!!  The drama was like a television series of the worst kind!!  And now, I’m trying to come to grips with the most recent drama where my daughter is not allowing my grandson to video chat with me.  She accused me of “being mean” to him while he was here because I yelled at him.  So, “she” wants me to believe that I spent a little less than $1,000.00 for my grandson’s passport and roundtrip tickets from Ft. Lauderdale to Costa Rica during his summer vacation … so I could be mean to him!! …  This is how “they” work … trying to make ME unhappy, crazy and using a child – my grandson – whom she wanted me to meet and get to know – to inflict the pain.  I need to stay away from this inhumane toxicity and embrace my retirement with open arms.  When my grandson was with me in Costa Rica, only ONE person EVER asked me how I was doing …  It was my grandson …  Fond memories, Caleb!!  I will continue to love and pray for him …

When “we” get hurt in our lives, we MUST heal ourselves or forever inflict selfish hurtful pain on those around us who try to love us.  This is the source of generational pathology passed on by unaware individuals who do not admit that they, too, have been hurt and abused.  Some people even think it’s heroic to deal with toxic others rather than embrace the truth that the other person is hurt and MUST heal, too.  How do we heal this hurt?  First, admit that one has been hurt.  Then, seek healing methods or professionals to counsel one back to reasonable mental health.  I like to travel, work out, listen to music and meditate.  Oh, I like to cook, too!  And I love to write …

So, when unnecessary drama appears in my life nowadays, I vacate the premises for my own self-preservation and happiness which only I am responsible for!!  You might not want to try this stuff at home or alone, but I am a soldier like my Dad was.  The only thing, I’m doing it alone …  No worries, I’m not complaining.  I’m proud of myself!  I might even treat myself to a trip to Medellin next weekend!!


John I. Cook, Director

ps. Thank you for reading!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: